Can't make me

A wet cold day. Damp. Surprising stepping out into it. It didn't look wet from the inside. And the geese are loving it, whether out on the pond or on the edge of the road feasting on the still green grass, Shmuel standing resolute, on guard. I love them.

I have this thing that when I'm not really moved by some deep abiding quest I get locked into making innocuous, everyday things weighty. For instance, earlier this morning Richard and I were in this ongoing discussions about the goose house and its construction and whether they'll be protected from the rain and the snow and various predators and blah and blah and blah. And I was extremely passionate and stubborn, defending myself and my point of view staunchly, very Ants and the Grasshopper cautionary tale, 'we have to do it now or it'll be too late.' And Richard responded, "I'm glad you're taking an interest in all this, but really, aren't you making this all a bit too important." And he's right. Yes, I am. I have found myself in that Bermuda Triangle of stirring up distraction. I am procrastinating on a project that needs to be done, I've committed to do it, and I really don't have any interest in - no scratch that, I do have interest - I just have no wherewithal to do it. I don't want to. For the moment. And I know when I start it I will most probably have a surge of fun and commitment and renewed spirit, I've experienced this many times, and it will probably dispel this head banging disconnected feeling I'm in, but for right now, I don't want to. At least I've disconnected from the goose house importance, that's a step in the right direction. And if you observed me, you'd never guess that I was not attending to something that ought to be done. I've always been the most industrious procrastinator going. I take on jobs and chores and undertakings like no one's business. I keep myself busy, even in the backwoods of Vermont. You'd never know that all this enterprising impressiveness was to delay sitting down and doing work that would probably bring me joy. Ah well. This too shall pass.